the sweet bee sting


Wednesday, April 28, 2010

F*CK
1:15 AM

Oh swearing, how I heart you. I less than three you, if you will, but when did I start censoring myself? Why, why, why, why? When did fucking become effing? When did Jesus Christ become good golly? When did the word fuck start to feel crude and vulgar in my mouth? Midway through a conversation, which normally would have been riddled with fuck, did I realized that I thought the person I was talking to would think less of me if my real potty mouth came out to play. I sent that mouth home, pretended that the street lights were on, and its mom was calling.



To start I don't enjoy censorship, not for the sake of our children and not even for crazies who say things that I don't like. Its their right, isn't that whole thing in the constitution? In theory this is wonderful and idyllic, but when I hear neo nazis or retarded tea partiest spouting fervent, ignorant rants, I do get rather perturbed and would like to shut them down or really more like educate in a kindly Clockwork Orange sort of way. I don't think that certain things are appropriate for children, but rather than censor it umm maybe, just maybe parent and teach them right from wrong or monitor them. I dunno just a thought



Back to my sewer of a mouth, I remember when I first swore, around the age of 8 or so after watching 'Who Framed Rodger Rabbit". Jessica Rabbit called somebody a bastard. So Anthony, my very willful younger brother, was being a douche and whilst running after him outside I yelled that he was a bastard, very loudly, several times.and promptly got into lots of trouble. The neighbors could hear for Christ's sake. Then, the super awesome age of 13 rolled around and I found out I could swear and curse and not get in trouble. I took advantage of this fact so much so that from the age of 13 to, I don't know, 22 you would have thought I was a sailor in the 70s on their way to Nam. It was aggressive. I thought it made me tragically hip, especially if there were cool boys around and it being my house there are always boys around. It was flagrant and so copiously used, but what happened?



I'll tell you what fucking happened. I became Miss Mary, surrounded by tiny impressionable assholes. America's overly coddled, don't know what sunlight or imaginations are, youth. So, to keep up Miss Mary, the obscenity laws had to be placed. It is Michigan and there is no swearing in front of women or children; even if you are a woman or child. A fact I had to inform a 10yr old girl. She didn't want the police involved and I respected that decision. When not working I had to train myself to replace my beloved curse words with ridiculous phrases. I didn't want to be a hypocrite telling them to watch their language. (I dislike hypocrisy more than censorship) My favorites being Jiminy Crickets,Good Golly Miss Molly, and effing. There is an old lady and cutsiness that enjoy with the replacements. To add injury to insult though, now when I try to swear it sounds unfamiliar and coarse. As if I should be some fish monger's wife screaming and swearing, sweaty and unsatisfied. I'm guessing that some happy medium will have to be found. Never been good with those.

P.S. I adore those little assholes and being Miss Mary,

2 comments