the sweet bee sting

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Taking All Applications!
10:41 AM

Between Sunday and Monday morning Michigan was doused with a lovely snowstorm, blanketing the freshly defrosted ground in a brand new 10 inches of the icy white stuff. Needless to say, work was very slow. As the record store that I'm currently working at is going to be closing in a few short weeks, we're cleaning up shop and getting rid of stuff we never even knew was hiding in places we didn't even know existed.

One such task fell to me. I was handed a giant stack of applications dating back to 1998 and asked to go through them and rip out the social security numbers so they could be properly destroyed and the rest of the applications recycled. While I had a pile of identities at my fingertips, ripe for the stealing [muahahaha!], the part that interested me the most were the special skills and activities that people listed on their applications.

Now I know, when you're 16 and looking for a job at your local independent record store your aim to to impress, but shouldn't you also be concerned about overdoing it? And shouldn't you also be concerned about spelling? Anyway, here are some of my favorite "Special Skills" and "Activities" collected from the applications that I went through, sans applicant names, of course. Spelling and punctuation are true to how they are written. Some are sweet, some are pretty stupid and some are plain silly.

Subjects of Interest and Special Skills:
"I work with Autistic kids so record time customers are simple to make smile."
"I can roll my tongue."
"Acting in straight plays, acting and singing in musical theater shows and operas."
"I turn everything to gold."
"I know alot about older movies, musicals, plays and serial killers such as Ted, Gacy and Dahmer. Future FBI."
"Post-punk apocalyptic folk, just beginning my studies in Mississippi Delta Blues."
"I can multitasking."
"[Music], It's my wife and my life."

"I can work a computer, I work fast except mopping..."
"Student counsel, foot ball, karate, free style rapers." [Of course we are to assume he meant 'rapper'.]
"World Tae Kwon-Do Federation."
"Puppet shows at church." [I thought that was sweet.]
"DJ,ing, Raping." [Again, 'rapper.']
"Fire hula hoop, fire fans, palm touching."

And one last bit that made me laugh.

U.S. Military of Naval Service: "Sir, no, sir!"

Love, Cristina